English thoughts, ganduri

About life and death

The other days I was reading about a young beautiful girl that suffered a sudden accident and got burned 90% of her body. She had an intervention in Vienna, in the try to save her life. She fought with all her power but, in the end, she lost the battle. 1 day before her 27th birthday.

Was it fair for her to suffer so much pain and die? No, absolutely not! Could have anybody do anything to prevent that? Maybe….we will never know. Can anybody control the course of life? For sure not, even if sometimes we have the fake feeling we do it.

The idea that life might end in any second, for any of us, is not just coming to my mind now. I started to be aware about this more and more lately. I am lucky enough to not have experienced any sudden loss of someone I loved. Even so, I can see it around me. At first, I got angry, thinking that life is not fair….later on I got scared, realizing that you never know what tomorrow might bring….now I am at peace with it, as I know for sure I cannot stop it. Or influence it. You can only carry on…

It makes my heart crunch and twist and my breath stop…it makes me physically scared, the idea that I might lose Olivier one day, too early. He is my world now and everything makes better sense when my arm rests safe in his. But, no matter how tight I hold him, I cannot change the course of life. Anytime we can be apart, in different worlds…untouchable… Can I prevent it? Of course not. Does it make me angry? No, but it scares the hell out if me! Can I live with this fear eating my heart little by little? I can, but I chose not to! Instead I let love fill my heart and my life. Because if I love him every day, with every occasion, my life is better…and richer… And if one day I will not have him in my life, I will keep his love. For sure I would suffer and be angry against the world for allowing that to happen… But the world will not stop from spinning for my suffering. And life will continue to go, the same and totally different.

I was lucky so far to not experience these sufferings and, maybe, this makes it easier for me to see things as I do. But this will not prevent me from hugging tighter the wonderful guy next to me, or to tell my parents that I love them every time we talk. We just need to learn how to best appreciate the persons we have in our lives WHILE we have them…

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