English thoughts

I’m sinking

I know how it sounds, but it is how I feel these days. I am still happily in love, but all the rest is turning grey little by little.

  • The A topic would be the job, which is taking it’s time to show-up. I am applying regularly but I had no reply so far. It’s like talking to the trees in the forest. It makes it feel hopeless and it’s cutting down the motivation and enthusiasm.
    Solution: take it to a different level – go meet the potential employers and apply directly at their site. I get to introduce myself to them and have a preliminary interview (both ways) and I also have an instant feedback. Plus that I exit the perimeter of the house…
  •  Friends! All the persons I’ve got to know here are working full time. Which means less free time and less energy for them. So… running, walking in the city or any other activity I am thinking to do during the day (before going to the kids), I am doing them alone. Not funny at all!
    Solution: find the persons which have the same working schedule as mine. I still have no idea where…
  •  Finance… sensitive subject lately. As a bonus, the car broke, then it was lifted from the place where it was parked, the washing machine is also dying… and so on…and so on…. Oh, and I still don’t have medical assurance here…
    Solution: get a job! I don’t see another one for now…
  •  Positive thinking – I am lucky to have the Peacemaker and his positivism. Otherwise my positive thinking is at the lowest level. I am confident things will work out but I am also down mentally, as there are many things & activities that I miss.
    Solution: talk with somebody!

Does it sound like I’m complaining? I’m not, it’s how things are now. They will change, I know, but allow me to scream it out from time to time. It helps. Seeing it written makes it seem littler than it feels.

When I decided to start fresh in a totally new place, I knew it’s going to be challenging. But I’m a human being and I also have limited reserves. Right now it’s showing empty for most of them. So I’m searching for a “gas station” of reserves. For sure I miss the human contact! I feel lonely amongst people and this is weird. It’s like I’m doing things wrong, as I am a social person by definition.

Actually, it feels like I’m doing everything wrong, because it’s my merit in the end for how things happen, being it a job, an attitude, friends or activities. I only need to change one thing, and the rest will follow! But which? And… how?

I miss the ocean….


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