English thoughts

It doesn’t feel like me

Although I have only 3 weeks left and a lot of improvement to make before the MBA exam, these days I feel more and more attracted to totally different kind of articles and subjects. They are all into the personal development area and to be more precise, they are mostly about harmony in the body.

It’s been a while since I took my first step into a better version of me. It feels wonderful to discover myself every time and it feels amazing to see the changes happening. For sure I am only at the beginning of the journey and it makes me very impatient and excited to continue. (yeap, patience is not my greatest skill).

Now it’s about balance. I feel I’ve kind of lost it and it started to show inside my body – a little problem there, a little one here… It took me quite a while to realize that it’s not really doctors that I need, but lifting my sleeves and going deep inside the problem. As I had no idea what I was looking for, I’ve asked for help and pretty soon it came: various articles posted on FB, different meetings with interesting people, blogs that I’ve discovered “by accident” and so on, and so on. I’ve read all of them and I was able to feel that I was getting closer and closer. Until today, when it kind of hit me in the face, under the shape of another article. After finishing reading this one, it was all clear: I need to work on this, but I need to do it from the inside! Which means meditation time! And writing time! And inside time!

One eternal conclusion I keep having is: ask and you shall be given! Every time I’ve asked for help, I’ve got it in one way or another. The tricky part is to know what you need, where you need help, and to ask for it in a very simple and clear way. It may be an open question, or a specific demand. As long as it is clear, you will get it!

Currently I have 3 important relations on which I am concentrating: with my parents, with my husband and with myself. I need to be myself in every one of them, in order to be truly happy. Just that….being yourself can prove to be pretty difficult if you don’t know who you are and how you are.

On top of that, I am in a choosing point. I have the luxury to do anything I want and….it is the most difficult decision I had to take so far. It’s not the fear of failure that’s holding me, it’s just that I still don’t really know what I truly want to do. I’ve been so used to do what’s “right” without asking myself first, that now I am 32 years old and I have no idea what would make me happy every day as a job.

I have the possibility of getting a job (in a large spectrum of areas), of having 2 years of MBA (which is great and scary in the same time), to have my own business (I still don’t know the kind of activity that is 101% suiting me), or to do something else (nope, no idea what). Plus that kids are getting closer and closer while I’m getting more and more scared. If I am not able to decide for myself, how can I decide for a little being, totally depending on me?

Oh well, this is me these days… Just wanted to share it with you, as I am sure I am not alone struggling with these subjects. I am willing to share experiences and sources of inspirations with those of you interested, so just ask! 🙂


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