English thoughts

I-dentity

Soon to be a 33 years old woman, I’ve gathered some useful and interesting experiences across the years. Happy, sad, painful or not, they all added to my version of today. Which is still in progress, of course, but at least I feel that I know better who and how I am. And, while enjoying the feeling, an article fell under my eyes (this one, in French). An article talking about women today, their identities, their bodies and their sexuality as we find it in 2015. And it’s not really a happy article, as it is debating the tendency of uniform – uniform body, uniform behavior, uniform sex. Of course, if you are not wearing the uniform, you are an outsider, seen and treated as one.

It made me think about the teenager period in my life. Even the years after, the first steps into the adult life. About the time when I didn’t like my body (and I had a beautiful one), the time when I was fake, just to get the approvals of the others, the time when I was full of hormones but had no idea what to do with my sexuality. I remember feeling insecure, not happy with myself, having the tendency to simply follow the herd. As if they knew better. It was an insecure girl following a group of insecure girls and boys.

It took me years of different experiences to finally take the time and ask me what I want. What I really want, what I really like, what I really accept. Especially in the sexual part of my life. Which happens to be one of the important aspects, by the way.

Reading this article made me realize how things changed! When I was 17-18 fellation was a subject which made girls blush or say yuck! Now it’s a must. You only need to type the words into a google search window and you will have lots of pages telling you how you need to do it in order to keep your boyfriend happy, technical advices and even some telling you that blow jobs should be a pleasure for you. In a modern sexual relation between 2 teenagers of today, he is convinced that blow jobs are included in the menu and she wants to be with him, so she provides the full menu. From the first time. Like a pro.

Watching how-to videos about sex and becoming sort of an expert while still a virgin, going diet after diet in order to keep your body within the limits imposed by the magazines and commercials, giving blow-jobs and convincing yourself you like it despite the smell or the taste (for first timers I imagine it is a blast to have something stuffed in their mouth and throat while smelling some hairy-sweaty balls), doing even anal sex from time to time (since it is not counted as losing the virginity). Submission, more and more violence, objectifying. This is how today’s generations are handling their bodies and their sexuality. I recognize it makes me tremble a little at the idea that I might also have a girl…a teenage girl!

What is surprising me is that, despite all the “evolution” we have in the sex area of life, we still consider slutty a woman who had many sex partners, but we find it normal for men to experience as much as they please. We accept the idea that men cheat but we don’t show the same understanding for women who cheat. We still haven’t understood that we need to fight for our happy relations and make them work every day, that staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of kids is unhealthy for everybody, that we cannot really control the others (we can barely control ourselves sometimes).
The most important, though, (for me) it is to know ourselves. Because when we know who and how we are, what we want and what we don’t want, what we can….then we will not expect the other(s) do things instead of us, taking decisions for us, establishing the kind of live we should live; and neither will we try to do the same for others. Everyone would simply live their own lives, sometimes together, all the time happy.

Be it career, love, friends, family, sexuality, hobbies, food, health…there is only one person in the whole world really knowing what’s best for you: YOURSELF! So stop asking anybody else and start really listening to yourself. Only then will you understand freedom and love and happiness.

Ask yourself. Know yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself!

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