I’ve been going up and down so many times lately, that I need a moment to redress myself now and then. All these events which came into my life the past 2 years or so caught me a little unprepared. Actually, they simply surprised me, as I am convinced we get what we can take at a specific moment in time. So here I am, being surprised while life happens.
I find myself looking in the big mirror against the wall of our bedroom and I see a person looking back at me. My logic tells me it’s my reflection but my senses tell me I want to get to know this person. She speaks almost fluent French, she is understanding a little Portuguese even if she had never studied the language and she is now considering Spanish as a future learning. She just signed the first contract for her company and she is waiting for the next one to be approved by the customer. She had an interview for what seems to be her dream job for her dream MBA in the business development area, in French! She has a body which is more tonified and with a brighter skin as what I remember. She understands body energies and the power of thoughts. She is into tai chi and curious about yoga and acrobatic yoga. She cooks French dishes that even French friends appreciate. She enrolled for helping tourists discover Toulouse, her new home. These and so many other things she does…this woman smiling back at me in the big mirror. And she did all these while I was busy telling her she will not manage or that it’s too difficult, or that she cannot do that. Luckily she did not bother listening to me and followed her heart, trusted her powers and her gifts. She trusted herself more than I trusted her. Isn’t it scary to think I am her? In the same time it is also encouraging to see how powerful I can be, despite my lack of confidence.
I can say for sure that my power is coming from inside of me. No one else can be strong for me! No one else can succeed for me! No one else can make me amazing! Yes, they can encourage me or tell me that I can’t: they can teach me what I need to know or try to prevent me from evolving; they can trust me and let me try or they can try and put me down. But they will never succeed in any of their actions without me accepting that!
I can be whoever and whatever I want! It is not a fairytale, it’s the reality! I truly feel it in my bones, in my veins, in my heart!
Yes, sometimes I’m scared and other times I’m tired or not confident enough. But I still believe that I CAN DO IT! So I keep trying until I DO IT!
Recently I have started acupuncture with an interesting person. Talking with her is like having a boost of energy! She makes things so much easier to understand and obstacles so much smaller… Combined with diverse forms of meditation, a diary, a gratitude agenda, body exercises and sharing with my love partner, it makes every day more interesting.
I am learning to listen to my body and I like more and more his stories. I am also hearing my thoughts and observing my reactions deep inside. It’s amazing how vivid the inside of me can be and I was not even aware of it!
Lately I find myself avoiding people with a tendency to criticise others, I avoid wasting energy on useless activities and thoughts, I am experiencing heart-to-heart connections with strangers, I can feel when my energy is being drained out by negativism and I can even feel the effects that getting angry has inside of my body. It is simply mind blowing what I have been missing all these years!
Now I am learning about the energy flow inside and outside my body. It is captivating and not all the time easy to understand or assimilate. Baby steps and I’ll get it eventually! 🙂
For the record, though: having understood that I have all I need inside of me in order to succeed, it doesn’t make it any easier! I am still struggling on motivating myself to go out running or visiting a potential customer or applying for a specific job. I am still getting angry for no important reason (even if for 5 seconds). I am still doubting myself now and then and lose the courage to simply do it… It’s a never-ending work in progress…