We are human beings and, by nature we feel important. Each and every one of us. Either we admit it or not. I am a human, too (yup!) and I’ve been feeling important all my 33 years. It started early, being the first kid of 2 young and full of love parents, it continued later with some help from my very rich imagination and the 2 mirrors in the house. And then thanks to my few friends (I’ve never had huge amounts of friends), my accomplishments and received compliments. Only lately I feel important thanks to myself, from getting to know me better, learning how to praise myself when doing something good and how to improve the not so good parts. I am the most important in my life!
One of the biggest lessons remains, though, the fact that nobody gives a rotten onion about me doing good or bad (at least not on a long term and if it doesn’t affect them directly). Yes, there are the persons who love me and want me to be successful, but I know they will love me even if I fail (which I learned it never happens, as sometimes a different result is a better one). Yeap, it’s just me worrying about all these things as image, others’ opinions, how people perceive me, being liked by strangers and so on and so on… So I’m working on stop doing all this.
I mean, yes, I am still taking care of my outfit and taking spinach out from between my teeth, but it’s about where it stops. I will say what I really think (as nicely as possible) and that is keeping a lot of people at a distance; I am using more and more my free time for doing what’s important for me (while learning how to say no) and, the most important, I am not taking your reactions personally. Whether you use words or body language or simply ignoring me, I am ok with that. Because I know it’s not about me; it’s about you and your own unresolved issues and there is no good reason why I should get lost in them with you. At least you ask me to, in which case I will gladly help in any way I can. Because, yes, I’ve always been intrigued by other persons’ problems. I know, I’m a chicken…but a nice one. 🙂
So…you’re angry against me? Before screaming at me, you could at least tell me why. That is if you want me to really listen to what you have to say. If not, I will start my “defense against strong noise” system and I will simply nod while mentally checking my to-do list. Once I know the reason, I will apologize for upsetting you and listen to what you have to say, while sharing with you my reasons. I strongly believe that simply cutting out a person from your life for a mistake he/she did is not helping anybody.
But for the rest….
I’m fine with you not agreeing with me! I don’t agree with you all the time neither.
I’m fine with you giving me undemanded advices that have nothing to do with me. I will simply not encourage you to develop and surely not follow them if I consider so.
I’m fine with you saying that my interest into a subject is stupid, simply because you don’t understand it. You are free to think whatever you want about me. That will not make me any different. I’ll still be me.
I’m fine with you calling me names even if you don’t know me. I understand that you have a hard time and you need to take it out on someone. But you should also understand me if I might avoid you. I’m only keeping my pink fluffiness intact.
I’m fine with you not finding time to see me. Everyone has their priorities and I might simply not be one of them. It doesn’t make you less fun or less interesting. I will simply know you, the person, less. And that’s also fine. Friendships come and go. It’s a fact.
I’m fine if you don’t wish me happy birthday. It doesn’t mean you love me less. Nothing here that can’t be fixed with a cake and a glass of champagne when you finally remember. Or I might call you and remind it to you if I’m getting too thirsty.
I’m fine if you don’t like my hair, or my dress, or my nail polish. I didn’t choose them for you to begin with.
And I’m fine if you don’t approve my choices in life. It is, after all, MY life! MY choices!
So, you can use all these sentences when needed, light 4 chocolate candles, ring the bell 8 times and do some incantations. Also a lotus position, some lucky charms and some meditation music might help enforcing the effect. Or you can simply relax, have a glass of wine and enjoy! Life happens only once! YOUR life! Don’t miss it because of me…